Thursday, March 24, 2005
Jeb Bush Applies for Adoption
Sticking to his strong ethics, Jeb Bush applied to adopt a special needs individual in Florida today. Most Floridians were surprised that the Governor chose a 41 year-old special needs individual rather than one of the many, many special needs children that are awaiting adoption in Florida.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
On 2nd Anniversary of Iraq War, GOP to Stop Death
On the second anniversary of the US War in Iraq, Tom Delay is leading great efforts by the Republican Party to prevent further death. Presdident Bush left from his Crawford, TX ranch in order to assist in the process. People the world over celebrated the US' steadfast determination on this important issue, and Americans approved of the President's actions.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Coalition Not Crumbling, but Troops Needed Longer
With the US' non-crumbling 'Iraq Coalition of the Willing' reduced from 38 nations to 24, the US Army has asked Congress to extend the enlistment period for new soldiers by two years. Americans were uncertain why longer enlistment times were needed since a recent poll indicated that a majority of Americans believe the war to be a mistake, and a plurality believe that our troop presence there should be reduced.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
President Bush 'Greens' the West
With Bush's EPA Clean Air Mercury Rule promising to lower toxic emissions by raising them in the West and his U.S. Geological survey caught lying about water infiltration and climate at the proposed Yucca Mountain nuclear storage site, Americans breathed a 'clear skies' sigh of relief when the President assured them that drilling in the ANWR would yield billions of barrels of oil and reduce U.S. dependency on foreign oil all without harming the environment.
Model Democracy Gives Aid to Model Democrat
Following the example set by the US government and corporations in the 1970s, Banks in the United States have given aid to one of the World's best supporters of Democracy, Augusto Pinochet, a Senate report (summary or link to pdf) released Tuesday said.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Bush Live in Concert!
The White House announced today that President Bush will be continuing his rockin' nation-wide tour, "BushBlitz 2005." Audiences will be hand-selected, so don't bother calling Ticket Master. Opening acts will be locally selected, so contact your Congressperson and Senators to find out who'll be blitzing your neighborhood!
Bush Blitz 2005 is brought to you by Karl Rove, the Republican Party, Progress for America (Ameriquest gave $5 million, Amway gave $4 million), the Business Roundtable, the US Chamber of Commerce, and the National Association of Wholesale-Distributors, all well-known for thier interest in the public good and the protection of social progams.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Credit Companies' Stock Soars
Major Credit Card companies' stock values are expected to soar as the Senate negotiated a new bill to boost their earnings.
Stopping Next Generation of Terrorists
The Department of Defense announced today that they have a plan in place to stop the next generation of terrorists.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Spanish Muslims a Model for new Islam
In contrast to the rest of the Islamic world, Muslims Clerics in Spain called for a Fatwa on Osama Bin Laden. US President George Bush commented that this was more proof of the "wave of democracy" sweeping across the Middle East.
GAO To Get New Comptroller General
President Bush announced today that the Government Accountability Office would be seeking to replace David Walker as Comproller General.
US Extends Rights to Foreigners
The Bush administration has decided today to put an end to a long-standing inequity in the treatment of Foreigners when in the US.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
GOP: We Don't Need Black Voters
The GOP has announced that it doesn't need any southern black voters in order to win elections. As a result the Voting Rights Act has been deemed unnecessary legislation.
America's Infrastructure Gets Passing Grade
The American Society of Civil Engineers reported today that America's bridges, dams, roads, drinking water, and transit systems failed to receive a failing grade. Further, condition of bridges and dams were no worse than in the last study in 2001. In an unrelated story, a man graduating with a 'D' in Medical School earned the title of 'Doctor'.
Taxpayers are hopeful that money earmarked for infrastructure spending might be diverted for more immediate needs such as the upcoming wars in Iran, Lebanon and Syria.
FBI Upholds Second Amendment Rights
Constitutional Rights Advocates lauded the FBI's hands-off approach to people of color who choose to exercise their Second Amendment rights.
Sharon Praised for 'Thinking Outside the Box'
Israeli PM, Ariel Sharon was praised today for "thinking outside the box" when it came to bureaucratic red-tape delays in establishing Israeli settlements.
Democracy Spreading in Mid East
Democracy is spreading across the Middle East, and many are enjoying all it has to offer. The success Iraq has seen will soon be commonplace across the entire region.
